THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN RAISING CHILDREN AND TAKING CARE OF THEM by Serhat Gümüş

THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN RAISING CHILDREN AND TAKING CARE OF THEM

by Serhat Gümüş

Taking care of children’s needs is surely important but it doesn’t help parents raise their children. S.G

Nearly after each ten years, the nature of parents about dealing with their kids changes in terms of parental education that supports the education that is given at schools. While the parents who had children who went to school in 1990s were so careful about their children’s education both at home and at school, the parents who had children who went to school in 2000s started to be less careful about the same issue. Furthermore, in 2010s the care of the parents started to change dramatically. This is not an idea to blame or accuse the parents. This is just a way to get out of this unwanted situation and to start educating our children better again.

Twenty five or thirty years ago, parents used to raise their children but in today’s time they just take care of their children’s needs. Both of these terms above (raising children and taking care of children’s needs) sound completely logical and positive but parents cannot raise their children only by taking care of their needs. As you can understand, taking care of children’s needs is surely important but it doesn’t help parents raise their children.

So, it is really crucial to make the definitions of these two terms before we continue.

To raise children: To supply them with the things that they really need to have a physically and mentally healthy living. It also means to behave nicely to them, to teach them manners, to respect them, to teach them respect, to love them.

Taking care of children’s needs: To supply them with the things that they really need to have a physically and mentally healthy living.  And to think nothing else matters.

Taking care of children’s needs is nothing more than a service that is done by parents. In addition to that they must also raise their children. Of course, taking the children in front of us and telling them what to do or what not to do is the method we use the most. And then we see that the result is not satisfactory because children need examples. In other words, they need role models.

In the first paragraph of this article, we mentioned the change of the nature of parents about dealing with their children in terms of parental education that supports the education that is given at schools. One of the changes is that children do not eat at home. They just terminate their hunger. Right here we need two more definitions to understand the rest of the article more clearly because there is a serious difference between them.

To eat at home: Setting a nice table for each main meal in the living room and eating in a nice family environment during at least thirty or forty minutes.

To terminate hunger: To eat in kitchen or any other room except the living room or eating out while sitting somewhere or while walking or standing in a short time.

Eating is a culture and it is a process of education in the family and it also contributes to the education at schools.

So, how does eating at home help children about education in the family and how does it help children about their school life? It helps parents and children about cooperation in the family. By eating at home, parents and children learn to share some chores and it develops their responsibilities. In this way, they learn how to be organized. For example, when people eat in the kitchen or any other room except the living room it is not a problem to put the food on the plates which have different designs, shapes and colors. They eat without any important consideration. That is why it does not help parents and children develop their responsibilities and they miss a great opportunity to teach something to their children and also to themselves. When people eat at home they help each other, they pay extra attention to the design of the table, to the harmony of the plates, forks, knives and glasses. In this way they develop their senses of harmony and cooperation. Mothers serve food to the people around the table and find an opportunity to talk to them. The husbands and children feel grateful to their wives and mothers. In this way, the children see that when something good is done for them they must appreciate it by accepting that it is not an easy job. They talk to each other and find opportunity to express their ideas and emotions. In this way, children find a way to join the conversation and enhance their communicative skills that are absolutely important for school life as well.

Another change in the families is that unfortunately they lost the connection among relatives because of busy working hours and getting tired after a busy day. Sadly, the only connection ways among relatives are social media groups. As parent who must raise our kids, we must get in touch with our relatives. Especially, paternal uncles and aunts and maternal uncles and aunts because they represent important terms in children’s life. Maternal uncles and aunts represent tenderness and sympathy. Paternal uncles and aunts represent authority. When children have hard moments with their mothers their maternal uncles and aunts can easily calm them down. Sometimes, maternal uncles and aunts can be much more helpful to children about their daily or personal problems. When children have problems with their fathers their paternal uncles and aunts can show a different approach to these children and it can be more useful to solve the problems between children and parents. In this way children learn to solve personal and daily problems that occur between themselves and their parents. In other words they develop different ways of solving problems and discussions which is also important for school life. In this way, children can find better ways and opportunities to solve their personal problems with their classmates and teachers if they transfer their experiences to their school life. Cousins, nephews and nieces are also important for children because these relatives can be good role models for each other. They are so important not to be alone and to develop self esteem by knowing that there are some people who can understand them in a different way. Most of the parents really like this ideas but they have an excuse for not doing them. They say they do not have enough time to see relatives that often because of busy working hours and getting tired after a long busy day and they need time for themselves but there is a simple solution which shows it is all in our mind. For example, you are home with your life partner and your sons or daughters and you want to go out to do something such as eating out, seeing a movie, going shopping, looking for new smart phones to buy and etc. Especially for families, it is really important to save money and use it for meaningful purposes. Rent for the house, mortgage, and loan to pay for the essential things and etc for a better living and to give a better living to their children. So, you can just change your idea for some days in a month and see your relatives who are important to your children instead of the other entertainments which do not support children’s parental education and school life.

Another thing that must be mentioned is that parents should teach their children how to listen because in today’s time when parents go to the schools to ask about their children one of the main things the teachers say is that the student has potential but he/she does not use it and he/she doesn’t listen to their teachers carefully enough. Of course, it does not mean that as parents we should raise and educate our children at home so perfectly that they cause no problems when they go to school and in this way everything must be so easy for the teachers. It is the responsibility of teachers to keep the children’s attention on the subject but it is also a responsibility for the parents too. And the way for parents to teach how to listen can be fun and it can give us another great opportunity to form a better family in which children with more potential are raised and it can also contribute to their school life. One thing parents can try to teach their children how to listen properly is helping each other. It must be something useful and fun that parents know but the children do not know because the aim is to make them listen. For mothers, it can be cooking. Mothers can choose some easy and safe tasks for their children. Mother can tell and children will do. They can also tell their children how to fold the washed and dried clothes and then they can even teach them how to do the whole procedure. In this way, children have to listen to their parents to understand the procedures of each task and they develop their understanding by listening more carefully and purposefully. Children may not want to attend but the solution is easy. Parents should tell them nicely that these tasks are important for the family and they need their children to do these. In this way children can joyfully attend.  

These are the ways to make a better and more useful family environment which can contribute to children’s school life too. Parents can easily try them and see the positive results in a short time. But the most important thing to make it happen is that parents must not use any unwanted force. Everything must be nice and easy. As long as parents give their children the idea that doing these things are really fun and important they will face no resistance.

Talk to your children to make them do something by telling them you trust them instead of telling them what to do.  S.G